About My Koneko

On Feb 16, 2021, I lost my beautiful baby doggy, Koneko. She was 11 years old and she was, as I always told her, “the best girl.” I was there the day she was born and when I got to pick a puppy to keep, I didn’t even hesitate to pick her out of the bunch (she was the cutest one). Since then, it’s been a crazy ride with us. Went through her baby years of training her, her teenage years of reminding her that she has to listen to what I’ve trained her to do, and her adult years where the two of us lived in bliss. That doesn’t mean she didn’t ever annoy me, but essentially, she was an absolute angel.

Those of you on my Instagram know how much I loved her and that I would do literally anything for her. Koneko was my entire world and I hardly ever made a decision without her in mind. She went where I went when I moved, she slept on the bed with me, we went to the bathroom together, and she was the most spoiled doggy you’d ever meet. Losing her was one of the worse days of my life.

In 2019, Koneko was diagnosed with Diabetes. It required a lot of tests, vet visits, and insulin shots twice a day. I tried very hard to keep up with everything financially and mentally and physically, keeping her ‘full fat and happy’ as it were, and I think she was. She had treats on command, she had unlimited pets from any family member in the house, she had sweaters for winter so she wouldn’t be cold, baths and shaves on the regular, everything a doggy could want. And I was only too happy to do it because a happy Koneko meant a happy mommy, and all I wanted in return was some cuddles.

After a blip with her medication not arriving on time, her health declined, and within a week, she was gone from me. I held her in my arms and could feel her heart stop beating and it felt like mine did too. I was mad at God for taking her, mad at her for not holding on long enough, mad at myself for not doing more for her so she didn’t suffer, just mad and sad all around. The unbearable guilt had me crying every night and I could hardly sleep because the memories of her last night with me were keeping me awake.

Afterwards, I had her cremated. She sits in a little urn beside my bed with a small bracelet that I had made with her name tag on it. It’s really cute, like the sweaters she used to wear, and I even used some of those ashes (and a print of her paw from the vet) to create a memorial tattoo. She’s always with me now, even if she can’t be alive to cuddle me or stare at me the way she used to do. 11 years worth of memories seems like a good and long time, but no amount of time is ever enough when you love someone with your whole heart.

Koneko,
I love you. You were my soulmate and I feel so empty without you. I wish you were here, but I’m glad you’re not suffering. You’re playing in heaven with your friends and Grandma Jacquie eating all the treats and getting better belly rubs than I could have ever given you. I will always miss you my friend, and my heart – my world- will never be the same as long as you’re not in it.
Love,
Your Mommy